


Shadows on the Moon

by Aviss



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-16
Updated: 2010-02-16
Packaged: 2017-10-07 07:37:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/62887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aviss/pseuds/Aviss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A casual encounter between two strangers will change their lives forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shadows on the Moon

**Shadows On The Moon**

Kakashi knew he couldn't return to Konoha, not in the state he was in.

The part of his mind clinically analyzing everything around him, from the injuries sustained to the damage he was inflicting on his environment, was telling him this. It was the part of his mind not occupied by the betrayal, of whom was still up for debate.

_I knew it was going to be you._

No, he couldn't go back to Konoha, not when he still had her blood in his hands and her words in his mind.

He used his chidori to burn a hole in the oldest tree around, not feeling anything, not even the slightest satisfaction about it. Better a tree than a civilian, though. Or a fellow shinobi.

_It could only be you._

She had not been hateful about it, just accepting and resigned. Why become a traitor to your village if you weren't even going to fight for your life? Kakashi couldn't understand it. In fact, he couldn't understand treason in any case, but apparently that was just the way he was.

He wasn't sure anymore if he hurt more for her betrayal to the village or himself. She had been a good shinobi, a good ANBU, a good friend and a good lover. And, most of all, she had been a great liar.

He had been thoroughly deceived by her smiles and sweet words.

_Have you ever cared about anything more than duty?_

He had, but in the end, duty was the only thing he had left. It had always been the same.

And now he was left to pick up the pieces, rant and rave and grieve here where nobody could get hurt so when he came back, he was once again the good little shinobi everybody knew and used.

It was getting harder every day.

…

It was the blue light that called Iruka to that place.

It was beautiful, and like it always was with something of such beauty, it was probably deadly.

If he had been feeling more like himself, Iruka would have never dared approach it; but he was feeling hurt and reckless, and wanted to see something pretty in a day which was remarkable only for its ugliness.

_You always knew it was going to end like this._

He hadn't, or he wouldn't have invested so much in that joke of a relationship. Iruka was mature enough to understand the difference between lovers and fuck buddies. Apparently Mizuki had missed the memo, and was now blaming Iruka for it.

It was so frustrating he wanted to scream and break something.

He wasn't the only one for what he could see.

In the middle of what now was a clearing, but obviously hadn’t been one before, stood an ANBU, panting slightly and looking at the ground. Iruka had just one second to take in his masked face, the porcelain features of a white and red dog snapping up to stare vacantly at him. The ANBU was tall and lean, even covered by his cloak was easy to see that, and there was that pretty blue light encasing his hand.

Iruka realized his mistake in going there a mere second before his back hit the closest tree trunk, his breath knocked out of him. There was a clawed hand encircling his neck and the porcelain mask was almost in his face.

Iruka was a shinobi as well, a chuunin, and being caught unawares like that told him more about the strength of the ANBU than his own weakness. Iruka forced himself to relax and not fight back; he could tell by the mask it was a Konoha ANBU, and his only chance of survival was to make clear he was a friend, not a threat.

He could smell blood in the hand holding him, and knew immediately he was in deep shit. The ANBU was probably unhinged, he had been _releasing_ after a mission and Iruka had stumbled upon him.

"Who are you and what are you doing here?" The ANBU asked, his voice low and husky, almost a threatening growl.

He had not killed Iruka immediately, and that was the only thing which gave him some hope of surviving the encounter.

"Umino Iruka, Konoha chuunin," he said in the professional tone he used to report after missions. "I saw the light and came to investigate. You're close to the Academy grounds."

The ANBU seemed to relax minutely, though he didn't release Iruka.

"Are you a teacher?" It was a stupid question, one completely unrelated with anything happening there. Iruka answered it anyway.

"Assistant teacher, still in training."

The ANBU nodded once, almost to himself, and retreated one step, letting go of Iruka but close enough that any threatening move would be a _very bad idea._ Not that Iruka intended to make any kind of move, except to get the hell away from there. He took a breath, coughing a bit, and willed his heart to stop pounding.

"Go," he said turning his back to Iruka after a few seconds studying him. He had either decided Iruka was harmless or he had deliberately exposed his back to provoke an attack.

Iruka found himself rooted to the spot, his eyes fixed on the slumped shoulders, and before he had consciously made the decision, his mouth was opening and the words were coming out of it.

The ANBU looked like he had had a day even worse than Iruka's, and that was saying something, and burning a few trees to a crisp would probably be insufficient as a release. That kind of rage needed to be taken out on another person. And after his day, Iruka was also due for a night of release himself.

"You can come with me," he heard himself saying, part of his brain screaming at him for making such a foolish offer.

The ANBU's head snapped around, his vacant eyes fixed on Iruka. "What?"

"You can come with me," he repeated, this time firmer. He knew he was probably making a mistake, but didn't care. Not tonight.

"You don't know me, Konoha Chuunin," the ANBU said, a hint of ice in his words. "I could be an enemy."

"You're not," Iruka said, holding his ground. "You're ANBU, and you're Konoha. I might not be more than an Assistant Teacher, but I can at least recognize your uniform. And if you had stolen it from someone I wouldn't be breathing right now."

The ANBU took a step toward him. "Do you know what you're offering?"

"I do."

Another step. "Are you sure? I could hurt you. Or do you get off on pain?"

Iruka felt something inside of him snap, something he had managed to control while he was talking to Mizuki. "No, I don't," he said, his voice as cold as the ANBU's. "I've had the day from hell; I've been called in to fill for a missing teacher in my day off, found the one I thought was my lover proposing to a colleague and been given the _we're just friends, we were just fooling around_ speech after two years just because I don't have a fucking uterus. So no, I don't get off on pain, and yes I know what I'm offering. You look like you need to fuck someone to work all that rage out of you, and I need a good fuck to forget today has even happened." He stared at the ANBU and took a deep breath, feeling slightly better already. "Or you can stay here and burn the entire forest down. Your choice."

…

Kakashi looked at the chuunin standing in front of him, face flushed with rage and dark brown eyes honest and straightforward, and made his decision in an instant.

The chuunin was right, no amount of charred trees would give him the peace of mind he needed now.

"I'll go with you."

The chuunin--Umino Iruka, if he was going to fuck him he should at least use his name--nodded once and turned around, not bothering to check if Kakashi was following.

Kakashi already liked him.

It had been bad luck for Iruka to stumble upon him when he was at his weakest, and only the fact that he had not fought back had saved his life. If Kakashi had felt threatened even one bit, he would have killed whoever was in front of him, regardless if he was a Konoha shinobi or not.

He kept to the shadows, following Iruka all the way to his apartment close to the centre of the village. It wasn't unusual for shinobi to find release of that kind after strenuous missions, or just bad days, as it looked like the case. It wasn't common to do it with a perfect stranger, though. And to offer that to an ANBU was unheard of, but Kakashi wasn't exactly complaining.

He entered the apartment by the window once he made sure which one was Iruka's, and found himself facing the other man in the middle of a sparsely decorated living room. Everything smelled new and unused; the only remarkable piece of furniture an old couch which looked like it had seen better times.

"Do you want to take a shower first?" Iruka said calmly, his voice not revealing even a hint of nervousness. Kakashi nodded, the stink of blood in his clothes almost overwhelming in the little apartment.

Iruka stared at him for a second, a calculating expression on his face. "You're ANBU, which means the less I know of you, the better for my health, so you can't take off your uniform unless you make sure I won't peek." Iruka waited for him to make any kind of signal acknowledging him and Kakashi nodded. "I'll take the shower first then, you can take any measures you need after that."

_That_ startled Kakashi. Was Iruka insane? He had to know what he was offering, though if his day had gone according to what he had explained, it was no wonder he was feeling reckless like that. Or just plain suicidal.

"Don't be mistaken, ANBU-san," Iruka said, the seriousness in his voice giving Kakashi pause. "I really don't get off on pain. I will probably let you do a lot, but the moment I say no, _I mean no_. I know I won't be able to stop you if you don't want to stop, but know it won't be consensual from then on. And there will be repercussions. I trust you not to cross the line."

Kakashi narrowed his eyes. _Trust._ He wasn't sure he knew what that was anymore.

"You don't know me," he reminded Iruka.

"You're Konoha, and you're shinobi." There was a strong conviction in those words, the kind Kakashi had felt a lifetime ago. "I don't need to know more than that. Not for what we're going to do tonight. If you intend to cross the line, then you make sure I'm not breathing when you finish or I'll find you and kill you."

Kakashi could tell Iruka was deadly serious and that it wasn't an idle threat. He felt his respect for that unknown chuunin growing, and he knew he was not going to break that trust. Not if he could help it.

He hoped he could keep his head.

Iruka left him in the middle of his living room and went to take his shower, and Kakashi took the time to observe the apartment. It was new; that much was clear for the way it was almost empty, a few boxes still unopened in a corner. He entered the bedroom, closing the curtain to make sure nobody could see from the outside, and looked around. The bedroom was also mostly bare, only the bed and a small bedside table furnishing it.

The door to the bathroom opened and Iruka appeared wearing only a light robe, his hair dripping wet over his shoulders. Kakashi took the time to appreciate the view. He had noticed in the forest that Iruka was attractive, now he was seeing he was gorgeous. He had a nice body, a bit stockier than Kakashi's and muscled in the right places. His skin was dark, probably from being outside if he was really a teacher, and he had big and strong hands. His most prominent feature, however, was the horizontal scar crossing the bridge of his nose. It was that scar what had made Kakashi look at him twice and think he was attractive at first.

Iruka looked at him and walked up to the bed, taking his hitai-ate from a pocket in the robe. He offered it to Kakashi.

Kakashi took it, making sure the sharp nails of his uniform gloves didn't scratch Iruka while he tied it over his eyes. He removed the gloves and the porcelain mask then.

"I'm going to tie you to the bed," he said and saw how Iruka tensed, "only while I'm in the shower to make sure you don't remove the blindfold."

Iruka seemed to think about that for a second. "You don't trust me," he finally said, it was not a question.

"I trust no one," Kakashi admitted.

Iruka nodded. "Fair enough. But you have to untie me before you lay a finger on me or it's a no."

Kakashi considered this. If he accepted now and then refused to untie Iruka there was nothing the other could do, and they both knew it. There was that issue again. _Trust._ Iruka seemed to have a lot of it.

"I will," he finally said.

Iruka didn't put up any resistance while Kakashi tied him and it was done in a minute. He went into the shower, removing the disgusting clothes he was wearing and stepping under the warm spray. He was feeling better than he had in the forest, though he was still on edge.

At least her voice had been muted the moment he had accepted Iruka's offer.

He didn't know what he was doing there. He didn't have a clue what either of them was doing. He didn't know Iruka, and Iruka didn't know him. He had put his body, and his life, in his hands.

Hadn't he just been betrayed by his loved one? How could he still be able to trust anyone? A stranger. A killer. Kakashi.

He was puzzled. It was impossible for his mind to understand Iruka's reasoning, and that was probably what made Kakashi want to.

He turned off the shower and climbed out, drying himself quickly with a towel Iruka had left for him. When he entered the room Iruka was in the same position, and he had that moment of doubt again. What would happen if he just took what he wanted with Iruka tied up like that?

Nothing good, of that he was certain.

"You took your sweet time," Iruka said as Kakashi approached him.

He went straight for the ropes tying Iruka's hands to the bedpost and undid the knots, the bindings falling silently between them. He saw Iruka smiling slightly.

"Thanks, ANBU-san."

"Hound," Kakashi heard himself saying. It was his ANBU name, and though only those in his platoon knew it, it was strange being called ANBU-san.

"Hound," Iruka said, trying the name. His lips curled up as if he found it to his taste. "You can touch me and you can kiss any part of me except my mouth. And you can fuck me. I don't mind if it's a bit rough, but you better prepare me first."

Kakashi nodded and then realized it wouldn't do any good with a blindfolded person. "Fine."

He climbed on top of the bed and began exploring the body under his with hands and lips, making sure to steer clear of Iruka's face. It was a pity he wasn't allowed to kiss him, but he could understand the reasoning behind it. Kissing was highly personal, and in spite of everything, this kind of release was anything but.

That didn't stop him kissing and licking every single inch on Iruka's body, his tongue tracing faded scars while he listened to Iruka's moans and gasps. He felt emboldened by Iruka's response and moved up, kissing a trail up his neck and to his jaw line, biting lightly while he covered Iruka's body with his, crushing their crotches together. Iruka's hands grabbed his shoulders, his fingers digging painfully while his hips pushed back against Kakashi.

"I know what you're thinking, and just don't," Iruka whispered when Kakashi's mouth left his jaw and hovered over his lips. Kakashi smiled to himself and moved to bite his ear.

He pulled away from Iruka's body. "Turn around, on your hands and knees."

Iruka complied, taking something from under his pillow and giving it to Kakashi before kneeling on the bed and leaning forward, putting all his weight on his forearms.

Kakashi looked at the small bottle in his hand and the condom. He put it on and covered his fingers with the lubricant. He prepared Iruka with short and efficient moves, too impatient to bother with gentleness now.

"I'm ready," Iruka said, his voice slightly breathless.

Kakashi positioned himself and pushed home in one deep thrust, feeling the pressure and the maddening clench of Iruka's muscles around him and letting them pull him in deeper. He stopped for an instant to adjust to the feeling, not wanting it to be over too soon, and started moving, picking up his pace as his breathing increased and turned shallow.

He could feel Iruka pushing back against him, one of his hands moving to stroke his own erection. Kakashi batted the hand away, replacing it with his own and stroking him with fast and sure moves. He leaned forward, his tongue tracing Iruka's spine up to his neck, where he clamped his teeth and bit down hard.

"Fuck!" Iruka swore and shook, his entire body trembling with his orgasm while Kakashi kept pounding him, his pace almost punishing.

It didn't take long for him to reach his climax as well, freezing on top of the still trembling Iruka and groaning through clenched teeth. He felt most of the tension of the day draining out of him, her voice and her face completely gone from his mind.

They would be back, and he knew it. But for tonight he could go home and sleep.

He withdrew, looking at the slumped Iruka breathing hard on the bed.

He had not felt the urge to break Iruka's trust except that moment at first, and that was surprising. He had not believed he would be able to do it at the beginning of the night. Iruka couldn't possibly know the risk he had subjected himself to.

But he felt calmer now, more like himself.

And it was all because of this person.

"You done?" Iruka asked after a while. Kakashi had not moved, lost in his thoughts and contemplation of Iruka.

"Yes."

He gathered his clothes and his mask, not wanting to put them back on. He intended to incinerate them, all except for the mask, to get rid of her blood.

"Goodbye then, Hound."

"Goodbye, Iruka."

Kakashi teleported straight home, that way he could avoid being seen without his uniform.

That night his dreams were full of tanned skin and bold chuunins, and thankfully devoid of _her._

Unfortunately, it didn't last.

…

Kakashi found himself standing in front of Iruka's window again.

Since the night they had spent together Kakashi had been thinking about him more and more. _Trust_, that had been the issue that night. Iruka had given him his trust blindly with the conviction only of who wasn't used daily. And Kakashi had had that same trust in his hands, ready to break it into a million pieces several times.

He had been unable to do it.

He had treasured it, letting Iruka's innocence serve as a balm to his wounds.

But that had been a month ago, and now Kakashi's hands were dripping blood again and he wanted, and wanted. He wanted to climb through the window and shake Iruka awake, press him against the bed and bury himself deeply within him. He wanted to tear that trust apart and break Iruka.

It would be so easy.

He sighed. He was losing his mind.

A light was switched on in Iruka's bedroom and the window opened, a sleepy Iruka peeking out. His eyes zeroed on Kakashi immediately and he nodded.

_Come,_ Iruka mouthed and Kakashi crossed the distance between them in a heartbeat. "I could feel your murderous energy from my room and it was disturbing my sleep," Iruka said, voice roughened by sleep and pillow-marks on his face. Kakashi felt he couldn't speak past the lump in his throat, all his energy focused in not pushing Iruka down and fuck him before he said he could. It wasn't easy.

Iruka took his hitai-ate from the bedside table and tied it around his eyes.

"Get rid of those stinky clothes, Hound, and you can have me," he said, relaxing back on his bed. Kakashi didn't waste any time taking off his cloak and mask and letting them fall to the ground, heading to the bathroom in a rush. "Don't take too long in the shower or I might fall asleep, and then you can just go home."

Kakashi was out of the shower and climbing over Iruka in record time.

"Are you still awake?"

"Barely."

Kakashi made sure Iruka didn't feel sleepy for the next couple of hours.

…

"You know, Hound," Iruka said opening his window in the middle of the night to find the ANBU standing on the roof of the opposite building staring at him, his entire body radiating tension in waves. It was the fifth time, and he had hoped the ANBU would have taken the hint already. "You don't need to wake up the entire neighbourhood with your killing intent. You can come in any time you want, as long as you find me on my own."

There wasn't any risk of Hound finding someone else next to Iruka; he wasn't exactly ready for another heartbreak after Mizuki, and Hound's regular visits provided him more than enough sex.

Not that he had any intention of admitting this.

Iruka had cursed his impulsiveness a thousand times since the first night he invited Hound into his house and body, especially in the mornings after when he was sore and still had to teach the little hellions. But he was glad he did, and he was glad it had been Hound the one he found that day.

He had taken a foolish risk, and could have had his trust thrown back on his face in a very painful manner.

He knew Hound was broken in some way, though they didn't talk about it, and sometimes Iruka could feel the struggle to stop when he told him to. So far Hound had tested his boundaries, but he had never crossed the line.

Iruka knew he never would but Hound himself didn't seem to realize that.

He also knew, by the way his visits kept increasing, that Hound was close to breaking point. And it wasn't going to be pretty when it happened.

Hound entered his house by the bedroom window, as he always did, and without saying a word grabbed Iruka's hitai-ate and tied it over his eyes.

"That bad today, uh?"

He didn't say anything else, he couldn't. Hound's mouth covered his in a desperate kiss, his tongue almost choking Iruka in its haste to taste and posses, his hands tearing off clothes until both of them were naked on the bed. Iruka pushed at him, needing air and feeling slightly panicked by the intensity of the kiss. They had not kissed before; Iruka had never allowed it though he had been thinking more and more about it lately. But not like this, not before he said so.

"What are you doing?" Iruka asked in a strangled whisper, the first tendrils of fear sneaking into his mind.

Had Hound really snapped?

Hound made a low noise, almost a growl, and attacked Iruka's neck with lips and teeth, biting hard until Iruka was panting from the pain.

"Stop it," he rasped, feeling more than a little scared. "_No_."

Hound had finally lost it, it seemed.

Hound's hands pinned him to the bed, holding his wrists in a punishing grip, Hound's mouth returning to his and kissing him. Iruka struggled, feeling lightheaded with fear and lack of oxygen. He made a decision and bit down on the tongue in his mouth. He felt Hound rear back, the growl turning threatening, and one of the hands released his wrist.

Before he had the chance to try to escape, Iruka felt pain exploding in his cheek and went deadly still.

"Are you ready to kill me tonight, Hound?" he said in a low whisper and felt the very air freeze around him. There was a rustle and Iruka was suddenly free to move. He didn't. He stayed in the same posture, his back against the mattress and his hands next to his face.

"Fuck!" he heard Hound say, a note of panic in his voice. "Fuck no!"

"Get out," Iruka said. He counted the seconds and when he didn't sense any movement he sat up, the hitai-ate still covering his eyes. He knew Hound was still there, he could feel the turmoil in his emotions. "Either you stay here and finish what you started, and we both know how that has to end, or you leave right now. I'm going to remove the blindfold at the count of five; if you are still here, we'll fight."

He counted till five and when he removed his hitai-ate he was alone in the room.

On top of his bed the white mask looked at him mockingly.

…

Kakashi knew he had screwed up, and spectacularly so.

He had crossed the line with Iruka, and though he had luckily stopped himself just in time, he had breached that precious trust that had been building between them.

He had completely lost it the night before, and being kicked out of Iruka's house and bed was no less than what he deserved. He had almost expected to find an enraged chuunin waiting for him at his house, kunai in hand. He wouldn't put it past Iruka to know how to find him even if he didn't know who he was.

It had not been only the previous day's mission what made him snap, the sleepless nights and the nightmares, and _her_ damned voice returning after weeks of silence. It had all pushed him over the edge, and he should have known better than going to Iruka.

But he had needed to see him. Had needed to remind himself there was someone still innocent and trustworthy in that accursed village.

Kakashi had never intended to go inside the room in the first place, he just needed to be there and watch Iruka while he slept, open and defenceless. Seeing him like that reminded Kakashi of what he fought for, the reason for which he had pawned his soul to the devil one stolen jutsu at a time.

It wasn't the first time he had done it, though he usually felt calmer when he did.

And now, one stupid mistake might have cost him the right of being there again. And it was _her fault._

He smiled wryly at himself. It wasn't actually her fault, but his. But it was easier to believe everything was caused by her betrayal, easier to believe that if she had not existed Kakashi wouldn't be the broken tool he was right now. It wasn't true, but it helped to believe so.

He made his way to Iruka's home, rehearsing the lines for his apology in his head. He needed to be forgiven, needed to be accepted again and not just for the sex. The sex was good, he wasn't going to say it wasn't, but it wasn't that what made him go back to Iruka every time he felt skirting the borders of insanity.

No, he could get sex anywhere but he had his doubts it would really calm him.

It had to be Iruka.

He felt the disturbance the moment he arrived at Iruka's door. He had intended to knock, for the first time, instead of climbing the window uninvited. He had lost the right the previous night.

Iruka wasn't alone. And he wasn't happy.

Concerned, Kakashi moved quickly to his usual spot, masking his chakra and climbing on the opposite building's roof to try and see what was happening inside. The curtains were closed and he couldn't see anything. Kakashi frowned.

Iruka's chakra flared up in anger then and Kakashi heard a loud voice. Before he could talk himself out of it, Kakashi was jumping to Iruka's living room window.

Inside Iruka was pressed against a wall, a blondish man holding him there and snarling on his face.

"Those are bite marks, Iruka," the man was saying, his voice low and angry. Kakashi couldn't see his face, but the tone was ugly in its jealousy. "Don't think I can't tell."

Iruka was glaring at the guy with disgust painted on his face. "It not your business anymore, Mizuki, if I have marks on me," Iruka spat and the other man's grip around his neck tightened. Iruka didn't betray any fear, though Kakashi could tell he must have difficulty breathing.

It wasn't hard to guess who the guy was, and Kakashi shared Iruka's disgust for him.

"It is my business, we never broke up," the guy snarled, clearly not satisfied with Iruka's answer.

None of them seemed to have noticed Kakashi's presence there, and he wondered if he should intervene. But the guy was a chuunin, and Iruka had not struck Kakashi as the kind who needed rescuing. He decided to play it by ear and wait a bit.

"We never had a relationship to begin with, Mizuki," Iruka said, his voice slightly raspy. "You said so yourself when you proposed to Yoko-san."

"That was--that--" the guy, Mizuki, pressed forward, crushing his lips against Iruka's. Kakashi felt the fury spiking inside him and Mizuki froze, pulling away a bit and looking back.

Kakashi noted how Mizuki's eyes widened when he saw him, Iruka's gaze following it and narrowing furiously on Kakashi.

"I see," Mizuki's voice was cold where it had been burning with jealousy before. It wasn't an improvement. "Now you have a big, bad ANBU to protect you. Is he the biter?"

Iruka shook his head minutely at Kakashi and he acknowledged it with a slight nod. Faster than the eyes could see, there was a kunai pressed against Mizuki's throat.

"I don't need protection, Mizuki," Iruka said, the grip around his neck releasing him immediately. "And the ANBU here is not going to stay, at least not tonight." Iruka's lips curled into an unpleasant smile. "But yes, he's the biter."

Iruka pushed the frozen Mizuki off him and glared at him, still resting against the wall. Even from there Kakashi could see that his throat was going to be adorned with bruises for a few days.

"Now, both of you, get out," Iruka said in a voice that brook no argument. "You, Mizuki, don't presume to come back here again. You said we weren't more than sex friends and there was no relationship to break. Well, now there is a relationship to break, and I'm breaking it. I don't want to talk to you again." He rounded on Kakashi. "And you, I imagine you're here to apologize. Save your breath, no apologies needed, but tonight I'm not in the mood."

With a nod and a strange feeling of elation, Kakashi waited until Mizuki had left and climbed out of the window.

…

Something had shifted in their relationship, and Iruka wasn't sure how he felt about it.

Since the night Hound had almost gone too far, and the scene the following day with Mizuki, Hound's visits had increased in frequency again. But the bastard just stood in the building in front without entering Iruka's room. It was unnerving, knowing that Hound was close, observing him, but not doing anything.

He didn't know what the fuck was going through the ANBU's head, but Iruka was getting close to snapping point.

He was so attuned to his energy now he could feel his presence even when Hound was calm enough to mask his chakra.

Tonight he could tell Hound wasn't calm at all. Even at that distance he could feel the disturbed emotions. And he wasn't the only one, if the noises he could hear around were any indication. Sooner or later one of his neighbours was going to intervene.

With an annoyed sigh, Iruka opened the window of his living room. "Get your arse in here right now, Hound!" he hollered, completely uncaring that half the shinobi in Konoha could hear it. He had been perfecting his annoyed shouts in class, and knew exactly how loud they could be.

"You shouldn't use my name so freely," Hound's voice came from behind him, and Iruka snapped around to look at him. "It's dangerous."

"You shouldn't stalk me when you're clearly disturbed, then," he countered, staring at the porcelain mask matching the one still in his bedroom. "Every single shinobi with an ounce of skill in a mile radius can feel you, and you're making them nervous."

"You want me to leave you completely alone?" There was a dangerous note in Hound's voice, something like desperation, and Iruka reined in his temper. Losing it here would not help at all, and he had kind of missed Hound's presence in his bed for the past month.

"No. I want you to either come in and fuck me like we both want you to," he said as calmly as he could, "or leave me the hell alone and have your nervous breakdown where I can't feel it."

He saw some of the tension leaving Hound's frame, a loud sigh escaping his lips.

"Am I welcome again in your bed?" Hound asked quietly, as if the answer to that question was extremely important. Iruka thought he had made it clear that time with Mizuki that he was, but obviously whatever issues Hound was dealing with had made him miss the point.

"Yes, you are. As long as you respect the rules."

Hound nodded. "I will."

"Then let's not waste more time," Iruka said, going to his bedroom.

He didn't bother to check if Hound was following him. He knew he was.

…

"She was beautiful, and highly skilled," Kakashi heard himself saying in the dark room, only the irregular breaths coming from the spot next to him in the bed telling him Iruka was still awake. "And I killed her with my own hands."

There was no response but the silence. Since the time Iruka had welcomed him back a few months ago, Kakashi had been opening himself to Iruka more and more. He had not believed possible to trust anyone else in his life, but apparently he had been wrong.

Iruka's seemingly inexhaustible reserves of trust had proved to be the medicine he needed to heal the wounds left by her betrayal. At one point he had believed everyone around him was a potential traitor, either to the village or to Kakashi himself. Now he knew better, and it made a hell of a difference being able to trust the people around him.

He had not confided that part of himself to anyone yet, thought. And he was wondering why he was doing so now.

"Eagle, that was her code name."

Still there was no answer, though he could feel Iruka moving. There was a soft touch on his face then, gentle fingers seeking his lips and then a mouth covering them, the kiss gentle and almost sweet, nothing like the devouring ones they shared before.

"I thought she was the one," Kakashi continued when they parted, his hands grabbing Iruka's body next to his and pulling him on top. Iruka took the hint and straddled his hips, rubbing himself against Kakashi with slow movements. "She was the perfect partner, in and out of missions," he said with a soft sigh, his hands anchored on Iruka's hips, "but she obviously wasn't so perfect. I should have known, should have seen it for what it was."

"She betrayed you," Iruka said, leaning forward and whispering those words against Kakashi's lips before licking them.

"She betrayed everyone," Kakashi said with a sigh when Iruka shifted, positioning himself over Kakashi's cock and taking him in. His thoughts skidded to a halt momentarily at the sensation, his mouth too busy devouring Iruka's to bother with speech.

There wasn't more conversation for a while, only the slide of skin over skin and lips over lips, and the increasingly frantic movement of Iruka riding him. Kakashi couldn't even remember anymore how he had felt then, and her voice had been gone from his head for months now.

"And they sent _you_ to kill her," Iruka said after a while, when they were again entwined on the bed, catching their breaths.

"Yes, it was a test for me as well, I can see it now. They didn't trust me. And I didn’t trust anyone."

"That was the day we met."

And what a lucky meeting it had been, though they had not able to see it at the time. If Kakashi had not found Iruka that day he'd probably be already dead. Chances were he'd have lost it and his own team would have needed to put him down like the rabid dog he had almost become.

But he was much better now, though he still slipped into funky moods every now and then. He felt almost normal again, like he remembered he must have felt once when he was still a kid, working under the Yondaime and before he got his Sharingan. And it was all thanks to Iruka.

They stayed in silence for a while, Iruka's breathing steadying and finally showing the regular patterns of sleep. Kakashi wanted to close his eyes and let Iruka's warmth and trust lull him to sleep as well, but he knew he couldn't do that.

He was still an ANBU, and his identity was something he wasn't at liberty to disclose. If he had met Iruka under different circumstances--well, if he had met him under different circumstances he wouldn't be in his bed right now, so there was no point dwelling in the what if.

He was lucky they had what they had, weird and tenuous as it was.

It had to be enough. For now.

…

It had to end.

Iruka knew he had to end that maddeningly strange relationship with Hound. It had been going on for a long time, close to two years, and Iruka couldn't stand it anymore.

In spite of himself, he had once again invested too much in a doomed relationship.

He didn't want to have a lover whose face he didn't know, whose name was still a mystery. He didn't want a lover who only came to him for solace in the middle of the night and left before Iruka woke up. He wanted a real person by his side, a real lover.

He had not been ready for that when it started. And if he was honest with himself, he had never believed it would go as far as it had gone. Now the heartbreak was unavoidable, and he only had himself to blame.

With a sigh, Iruka turned off the water and climbed out of the shower, putting on a light robe and going to the kitchen. He grabbed a bottle of sake and a cup, moving to the living room and sitting down to drink. He had the feeling Hound would be coming later tonight, and if he wanted to break up with him, he was going to need a bit of liquid courage.

He was close to tipsy when Hound appeared, climbing through the living room window as he always did. The moment he saw him, though, all his resolve vanished in a wave of concern. Hound was injured, that much was clear from the way he was holding his side. He was also exhausted and had obviously just returned from a mission.

What the hell was he doing in Iruka's house instead of the hospital was a mystery.

"Iruka," Hound panted, the words strained and barely audible.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Iruka was on his feet and rushing to him in a heartbeat. He extended his hand just in time to prevent him crumbling to the floor. "You need to go to the hospital."

"I can't," he said. "She's back. Needed to see you first."

Iruka had a second to wonder what kind of screwed up mission they had sent him to this time. _She_, Eagle, only appeared when Hound was close to breaking point. It had been months since the last time Hound had mentioned her, and Iruka had believed she was out of his life for good. Obviously he had been wrong.

Luckily he knew what to do.

With a practiced movement, Iruka covered his eyes with his hitai-ate while cursing the fucking bitch in his head. His mouth was immediately covered by Hound's, the kiss hungry and desperate, the taste of blood filling his senses.

It was over as abruptly as it began, and when Iruka removed the hitai-ate he was alone in his living room once again; only a bloody spot on the floor telling him the entire encounter had not been in his mind.

With a curse, Iruka cleaned the floor and then moved back to the couch and proceeded to drink himself silly for the rest of the night.

…

Kakashi knew it was over the moment he heard those words coming out of Iruka's mouth. He didn't want it to be over, but he couldn't see any other outcome.

He had rushed to the hospital the instant he heard the news. An Academy teacher had turned traitor, and another was being treated in the hospital for stopping him. For an instant he had felt a stab of doubt, fear of his past repeating itself.

He had hated himself for doubting Iruka even for one second.

"I wanted to see you," Iruka had said in the darkened room the moment he felt Kakashi's presence, and he had felt his heart clench with fear. "But I didn't know how to get to you. Is not fair, is it?"

Kakashi shook his head sadly, unable to find the words to stop the unavoidable.

"I'm tired of this, Hound," Iruka said, pain and resignation clear in his voice. "I can't do it anymore. I can't be your release, your anchor, and get nothing out of it but a few good fucks. It's been three years, and you still can't trust me. I still don't even know your name."

That wasn't the issue. Kakashi trusted Iruka, he was probably the person he trusted more in the entire, blasted village. But letting him know his identity? That was dangerous, for both of them. If only Iruka had met Kakashi instead of Hound--how many times he had wished it had been Kakashi the one to find Iruka.

But things were the way they were, and there was nothing he could do to change them.

"Iruka," he began, wanting to explain, wanting to salvage what they had. But what was it that they had? He closed his mouth again when he realized he didn't have the answer to that question. Could they have a relationship when Iruka didn't know who he was?

"It was fine at the beginning," Iruka said, barely a whisper, "when we were both heartbroken and just needed sex and maybe companionship. That changed some time ago, at least for me. And I've just realized I can't do this anymore. I don't want to."

Kakashi took a step towards Iruka, his hand moving reflexively to his mask to remove it. He stopped himself and took a step back.

"I want you to stay, Hound," Iruka said, "but I want to know who's staying with me. I want to be able to call your name and look for you when I'm in need of some comforting, not only to open my window and legs to provide it to you. The choice is yours, of course, but this is the last rule I'll ever set."

That was it. Kakashi screwed his eyes shut and waited for the words that would put an end to the best thing that had happened to him in a long time.

"You either take off your uniform when you come to me, or don't come."

…

Iruka's world had been reduced to just pain and betrayal.

He had never felt more alone in his entire life than right now, lying on his front in a hospital bed while his back healed, the mark of Mizuki's treason etched painfully on his skin.

Everything hurt, moving, breathing, and even blinking fucking hurt. That was nothing compared to what he was feeling inside.

He had not expected for Mizuki to become a traitor to the village. Had never, in his wildest dreams, imagined Mizuki would turn out to be such scum. He had known for a long time he was an arsehole and a bastard, but using a kid to steal something from the village? No, Iruka had never considered that he would go so low.

He had been clearly mistaken.

But that wasn't enough to make him feel like he had nobody in the entire village, like he had been about to give his life to protect an empty dream.

No, that had been entirely Hound's doing.

Iruka had known it was going to end badly for him, but he had been unable to call it quits while he still had the advantage. And look where that led him to. He had only asked once, only once in the three years they had been together.

He should have known better than to assume there was more to the relationship than a convenient release for Hound. That had been his mistake.

Well, he thought closing his eyes and willing sleep to come, it was a mistake he wasn't likely to repeat again.

Once he got over this, he wasn't going to get close to anyone in a mask ever again.

…

It felt strange to show his face, sort of, in public after so much time behind the ANBU mask, but it wasn't a bad feeling.

Try as he might, Kakashi could not regret leaving the ANBU.

The downside was that he would be forced to interact with people normally once again, and now he didn't have Iruka by his side, he was more afraid than ever of losing it. Especially since the Sandaime had told him he would take on a genin team.

There was always the possibility of the genin failing his test, but something inside of him told him it wasn't going to be the case.

With a bit of trepidation, Kakashi entered the mission room to take his first mission as a regular jounin. He stopped dead on his tracks seeing exactly who was manning the desk. For an instant, Kakashi was tempted to turn tail and leave. It had been barely a month since the last time in the hospital room, and he wasn't ready to face Iruka. Especially not without his mask.

It took him a second to realize he _was_ wearing his mask. Just a different one. And that Iruka had no idea who he was, which had been sort of the problem to begin with. That led him to the thoughts that had been plaguing him while they were in a relationship. What would have happened if Iruka had met Kakashi instead of Hound?

He was about to find out.

"Jounin Hatake Kakashi reporting," he said, moving straight to Iruka's desk, "I've been told I have a mission assigned."

Iruka raised startled eyes at him, and they fixed on his masked face. His eyes hardened at the sight of his mask, his lips pinched in an unhappy line. Had he recognized him from his voice? Not, that wasn't it. Iruka looked at him disapprovingly, but not as if he knew anything.

"Hatake Kakashi-san," Iruka said, averting his eyes from Kakashi's face and rummaging through his drawer until he found the right scroll. "Here is your mission. Good luck and come back safe."

It was the standard formula when giving A or S rank missions to jounin, but it made Kakashi's stomach do a funny flip to think of Iruka's concern. With a smile, he grabbed the scroll and thanked him before leaving for his mission.

…

Iruka woke up startled at the knock on his door and checked the time. With a curse, he stood up and went to open it, ready to bite whoever-it-was' head off for calling at such ungodly hour if it wasn't an emergency.

The words died on his lips when he saw exactly who was there, his anger turning into fear in less than a second. Had anything happened to Naruto during his mission? That was the only explanation he could think of for Hatake Kakashi's presence at his house. They were not friends, though Kakashi insisted in talking to Iruka whenever he had the chance.

Iruka had never been more than professionally polite to him, had never given an opening to let another masked person into his life.

"Hatake-san?" he said, taking a step back and letting him in.

Kakashi entered his apartment almost hesitantly, something that was so much at odds with the attitude Iruka was used to see in him that his fear doubled.

"Iruka, I--" he began, closing his mouth again without adding anything else, his eyes roaming around the room.

There was something weird going on, and Iruka felt uneasy. There was also another feeling, a feeling of familiarity, that he was loath to analyze right now.

"Something wrong Hatake-san?"

Kakashi turned to look at him, and for the little he could see of his face, he was clearly disturbed by something. He couldn't feel his emotions at all, as if he had taken a lot of pains to ensure his energy was concealed.

"I almost lost the kids," Kakashi said, and Iruka frowned. Almost, which meant the kids were fine; he felt some of the tension leaving him but that still didn't explain Kakashi's presence in his house. "Sasuke was dead for an instant, and Naruto was controlled by the fox and I--I had to kill a child, no older than them--I'm not sure I can do this."

Iruka's frown deepened. What was Kakashi trying to tell him, and why was he telling Iruka? He had a feeling he should know the answer, but it seemed too far-fetched to be possible.

"Hatake-san--"

"I'm sorry, I thought I could do it right this time," Kakashi continued as if Iruka had not spoken, an urgency and desperation colouring his words, his tone slipping into one more familiar to Iruka. "I tried, I wanted you to know me before--" he stopped, closing his eyes and Iruka had the feeling he knew what words would be the next out of his mouth. "I need you. _She's back_. And she's louder than ever."

_Hound._

He should have known, should have realized before. It had been in front of him all that time: Kakashi's insistence in talking to him in spite of Iruka's coldness, the sense of familiarity he sometimes felt when Kakashi was around, the way his mere presence would make Iruka nervous. He had told himself it was all because he didn't like Kakashi much, didn't trust someone who wore a mask all the bloody time.

And though Iruka had regretted his decision a thousand times in the past weeks, he'd learned to hate masks with a passion.

It all made sense now.

"You said I could come back without the uniform," Kakashi said, his voice betraying a hint of nervousness at Iruka's shocked silence.

Iruka nodded dumbly, mouth too dry to try to speak. He had missed Hound terribly, and though he knew it had been for the best, he still wished he had kept his mouth shut and not asked for what he couldn't have. But now he was there again, and Iruka didn't want to read too much in the fact that he was letting him know his name and identity. Didn't want to hope only to be disappointed again.

He swallowed, unable to tear his eyes away from Kakashi, who was still staring intently at him. "Hound--"

Kakashi shook his head. "No. Not anymore. Just Kakashi, I've left the ANBU."

Iruka walked to his couch, feeling incredibly tired and still numb, almost as if he was still in the middle of a dream. "Why?"

Kakashi turned to look at him and shrugged. "I couldn't stand it anymore; I wanted to be myself again not just a killer in a porcelain mask."

He could understand that. The miracle was he had not done it before, considering how it affected him every time he had one of his _special_ missions. And of course that made a lot of sense. Sharingan Kakashi was one of the most skilled shinobi in Konoha, it was natural he was the one sent in the most difficult missions.

"I don't know if I can provide the comfort you want anymore, Kakashi," he finally said when the silence that had settled in the room became too heavy. "I can't just spre--"

"It's not the sex," Kakashi cut him off, approaching him and taking the seat next to Iruka in the couch. "It never was. It's you, it has to be you."

Iruka closed his eyes and sighed. "Prove it."

"How?"

He opened his eyes again and looked at Kakashi seriously. "One more rule, the last one I'll ever set between the two of us." He waited for Kakashi to nod in acknowledgement. "No masks allowed in my house."

He felt Kakashi freeze, his entire posture radiating shock and doubt. That was it; he either got everything or nothing at all.

Slowly, almost as if the movement was painful for him, Kakashi lifted his hand to his face and tugged his mask down. It revealed a pale face with handsome features, defined cheekbones and full, pale lips. Iruka smiled, leaning close and depositing a chaste kiss on them.

All the tension seemed to leave Kakashi at once, a little smile curling his lips. He seemed to sway a bit and Iruka noticed for the first time how tired he looked. There were dark circles under his uncovered eye, and his skin had a greying tinge.

"You're exhausted," he said standing up. He looked at the time. "Have you come straight here from your mission?"

Kakashi nodded, blinking slowly. He must have been running on adrenaline for a long time, and now it was gone, he looked about to keel over. Iruka extended one hand and Kakashi took it, almost like an automaton, letting himself be dragged to the bedroom.

"Iruka, I--" Kakashi trailed off in a yawn, his eyes closing. He snapped them open again. "We still need to talk."

Iruka pushed him toward the bed, helping him out of his clothes. "Tomorrow, we'll talk tomorrow."

"Can I stay then? Until morning?" His voice sounded as if he was already half asleep and Iruka had a second to wonder at how young and defenceless he sounded like that. It was hard to reconcile the Kakashi in front of him with Hound, and he wondered for an instant what would have happened if he had met Kakashi that day instead of the ANBU.

"Yes, you can stay until morning," he said, climbing into the bed next to Kakashi and curling around his body, like he had always wanted to do with Hound.

They still had much to talk about, and he knew it was not going to be all smooth sailing just because he finally had a real person by his side. But it was a beginning. With a smile, Iruka leaned forward and kissed Kakashi in the mouth, soft and slow, before closing his eyes to go back to sleep.

"Can I stay forever?" was the last thing he heard Kakashi mumble before sleep claimed him again.

_Yes._

-

_Fin_

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Kakairu_fest on LJ

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Sombras en la Luna](https://archiveofourown.org/works/326584) by [Aleia (Aviss)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aviss/pseuds/Aleia)
  * [[Podfic] Shadows on the Moon](https://archiveofourown.org/works/898025) by [kansouame](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kansouame/pseuds/kansouame)




End file.
